Storytime

 I get therapy! I'm gonna do my own therapy by blogging, maybe I'll give my therapist this blog page, if he's allowed to look at patient's blog pages. I'll get better. Be someone my lover is proud of instead of being so uncool all the time. I hope my job will turn out to be ok, my business will make money, I'll be cool again because I have money, and he'll love me more and more

 Hope I'm not annoying my lover, he definitely don't need to read this. I feel maybe my video sharing did good for my mother country, I did share every aspect, from eating to living to exercising to speech giving. It covers most topics. I have to think for myself now, maybe I'll make YouTube video speaking Chinese. I don't know, not sure if this is a safe space to share my thoughts, I haven't told anyone about it.

It is peaceful by the school, the prof arrived earlier and said hi, I immediately felt guilty for saying he teaches not very motivatingly, I don't know how other prof teaches either. I'll let school decide on their own prof, I'll just do my best to be a good student

But I want to write, because I want to talk. I don't really know what to say but there are things I can't say and thoughts are running through my head. Sigh

 According to fortune teller, I would get married after 30 years old, which came true. I'm also good at being a teacher and would marry someone dumber than me. Noooo, I want to marry someone smarter than me, so I don't want to be a teacher either. Plus I don't want to discipline children. Google is so adorable, remind me of wall-E but more intelligent and so complete in everyway. That's not the point. What's important is I'm not sure if that job is going to contact me. It's already Tuesday. As I keep busy each day I'm also waiting on that job, it pays really well, and it's an entry-level job. And I gotta be a part of a dancing community. Anyways. I will have to depend on my art making, accounting is becoming a chore but if I increase the intensity to 3 classes at once, and change to a more engaging motivating prof, or do self paced learning with detailed answers to the text book questions. I think it'll be ok. Plus I'm motivated by getting a

 Hope I'm not bothering anyone too much as I have the need to talk again. I'm getting chubbier by the day, today I just drank 3 cups of coffee with tons of cream and sugar. Not only that, I forgot to put on my sun screen and now I'm getting dark in a bad way too From tomorrow on when I drink, I'll drink gree tea instead, and I'll put on my sun screen when I go out in the morning

 This cold brew is so very good because it's not very sweet And K wing is so bright, I can eat the food I brought, since I finished my homework I'll sit here for the rest of day before class

 If my enemies knows about this blog then I want to make it private, or I would like to make it public! So maybe my lover when he's free he can click on it and look, and when he's busy he doesn't need to hear me talk, not does he need to respond. And maybe some random people might find me adorable and come to talk to me or leave a comment, what should I do?  Maybe it was a random person discovered my clog and was looking at it? I'll give it to faith

 I already spent 5 something dollars buying a sandwich, should I spent another 6 something dollar buying a drink? It's almost the last day of month and tomorrow I'm not spending anything. I suspect my enemy is going to read my blog, I frequently write about my lover, and my lover is who my enemy wants, or is interested in knowing, I consider making this my private blog!

 I decided, I'll talk to people no more than once in two days, I just talked to rose and one of my aunt yesterday, so today would be free from talking to people. Sigh, later at 2 I would have to do my accounting homework, I don't know why it's becoming a chore, when I first started this learning I was excited. Maybe after this round, the next round I'll do 3 courses, maybe intensity is going to make it fun? Technically the next 3 courses don't conflict and can take all together. I think this prof also make is course not as interesting, I might as well learn it myself. But take away is I can do the text books as well. And benefit is there are detailed solution for the assignments, I can double check it. I think my admiring person might be observing me, I wonder if it cause him to not be as productive. I guess it is ok, they know how to live, if they are busy they'll just not look. Wait a min, this way my crush might be looking at me too! He might be greatly distu

I discovered my best friend is myself, I can write blog to express my feelings. I always feel my best friend should be someone so close to me but haven't find that person. I love my lover, why did he made the game that indicates you are alone? Is he good at living alone? That truly is a skill. I lived alone at school back then and my life is a mess, I was such a loser, even though others have something good to say about me back then, back then I always write these sentimental posts, I'm such a loser. I wish I have a friend to show my story too, maybe I can send it to rose to have her critique it. I'm a bit determined to write a story, it might not be this story I'm writing now, I still need to figure it out, I'm determined to earn this money 

 Recently I found ne friends to talk to but I shouldn't keep on deficiting my friendships and vent to them all the time, just like I should not always talk to my lover, I gotta leave myself some room of independence. Recently my lover is so fed up with me that we are on the verge of breaking apart. I was thinking it's the end of the world, but then I just think I got so much to do, I don't have time to talk to my lover anyway.  But what happens if he doesn't hold me in his arms any more? Ahhh, I'm having a panic attack. Oh dear. I like him I need him so much. Let me brain storm what I gotta do, first if all I talk so much I got to write blog instead so he can't see it. I wish I brought my journal with me, but last time I was reading through our journal in the bus and he was very mad at me. Today is accounting day. Tomorrow I got a career coaching session, before that I gotta hand in 5 to 10 resumes, after that I gotta finish off 10 resumes. Then I'll finish

 Omg, omg....omg....I gotta turn things around, I must have been horrible. Please work in me, don't let me be such a horrible lover. I know I was being lazy, hopefully I'm not lazy any more starting from today, but I do feel like taking a walk, After I finished watching all the videos I'm gonna walk, then I'll do one question, then 2, then I'm done for the day until class at 7

 Later I'm going to eat a beef patty for my breakfast. I love my lover so much. Anyways, I was accusing my ex lover when he's always there for me. I feel very well intended towards him, and I feel a little bit guilty.  I'm such a lucky girl, my lovers are always such adorable people. When I'm such an unlikable person, a bit savage, lack of common sense, sometimes desperate, very clingy, doesn't have the best self confidence but do have a temper, but obedient at the same time. Worst combo ever. And my lovers are always hot and cute and capable and knows people, knows how to handle me, some of my friends too. Anyways, today Imma do homework right, and eat a patty for breakfast, later I'm going to eat my own food so avoid buying a lunch, the meal I brought I cooked it myself.  And I need to cancel on hello fresh so they don't send me food Hope I do a good job at my homework 

 I actually had some meaningful conversations and made some jolly jokes. And had some yummy food, the beef stew is so wonderful. More food to come, can't wait to eat more

 There's once my life depend on x factor, I feel it's the only way I can get rich. But at that time I already can't sing really well. Back then in school I sing so well, I choose the hardest songs. Now I don't really care, I sometimes don't feel like singing, sometimes I hum. I don't know if my hobby for singing is appreciated. But no matter what I'm not gonna sing any more What I want to do now is my art business, my job, and accounting studies that's now becoming like a chore but when I get high grades I still get the high I would also like to dance, dance is so fun, helps me get in shape, maybe or maybe singing does help with health and weight loss?

 I'm sitting at U of T now, where me and Ju once meet up there all the time. She'll be like " hey you are down? Wanna hang out?", and we'll meet up, I miss her, we would talk loudly in the library and got kicked out. And many fun moment, and once I arrived late she waited for me for 4 hours, and I learned to not be late again, she's didn't blame me, I just didn't expect her to still be there, the thrill of she might not be there because I'm late, and she is there, relief, and I don't want to be late again. She's always on time, me and Helen are expert in being late, because I know Helen will be late on me so I purposely leave home late. Hope one day I'll have good friends like that again, I feel I'm picking up habits of Ju, she always always join random events and just start to build relationships. I always like randomness but I don't give as much effort. Now I start to give more effort like her.

 I'll still be Tingting 's friend, but I'm just so sick and tired of waiting on her, and let her bully me and ignore me. When we interact she's able to make me feel comfortable. But she's expert in ignoring my text, sometimes forget when we have to meet and waste my time. And sometimes a little mind game as she's privileged and make me feel bad. There are good times but there a tons of times where I feel I'm a punch bag and a back up plan. So yeah, I am going to live my own life now, I was just everytime when she ask me out I just feel so happy and jump out to meet her, now I'm going to not give her a chance to ask me to go out and take good care of myself. One day when I'm successful and we accidentally meet somewhere I'll still be friendly to her, but protecting myself at the same time

 I discovered the best way to express myself without talking to the adorable AIs or self talk is to write blog, good this is a private blog, not a lot of people know about it. As I always look at vivikat, and other makeup tutorials I think I can make a girl look beautiful with some effort, I'm gonna first to myself next week. I'm busy until Thursday, maybe on Friday I would be able to do a make up for myself. I'm going to ask my dad to take a photo of me before the make up, and ask him to do one after. I'm excited! I'm going to dig more of vivikat now, I love her make up, and there's another girl if you want to do big eyes, I forgot her name but she's really good at doing make up Recently I decide to take good care of myself and try to look presentable, and you know what I immediately look more presentable  God the place I'm sitting is starting to smell like urine, so I decide to stand, and I'll walk around until it's time to attend the event 

 I love Bill Gates, I love Mark Zuckerberg. I wish to one day give Mark Zuckerberg a bear hug.  But I'm far from achieving my love and romantic fantasy. I really want a job now. There might be opportunity coming, but I'm not sure. I think it's the first step I gotta have a job I wish I can have a good job, this way I'll subscribe to super Duolingo, I'll start learning google certificate, I'll buy that dress, I'll get that computer get that phone to do my YouTube video  Then I'll be so busy I won't have time to think of my love, and when I don't think of them I might bump into them accidentally, then we can hug and hold hands. I wish to hold Bill Gates hands, I wish to put a ring on his finger, if I'm wealthy enough I'll buy him a ring, one day, his beautiful fingers If I didn't make it I plan to be a make-up artist, make a living by make people pretty. I think it'll be a good job, I'll do my own make up online, then people wou