Storytime

 I'm not looking for people 's opinion now, I'm looking for inspiration 13 years ago people already told me to stop caring, it's so yesterday. I don't give a damn, and fuck if Joe Osteen think he's so generous, I can understand English, he doesn't understand Chinese, I'm sharing some Chinese stuff he doesn't understand it, it's good stuff But I'm not about to recklessly say "oh, I like this guy, I hate that person, I want to be this person's friend, blablabla" just example. See what I mean? I'm not about to be idiot And you guys are forcing me to over share by challenging me saying "don't care so much" " I only rock to what's real" "she ain't half of the women I am" "you make mistakes, it sucks"..etc. to provoke me because you are desperate to want to know what I think So why don't you shut the fuck up and shut your face and inspire, like what I'm doing? I never jud

 It's very bad for mental health that you can never, NEVER say everything you feel. Lived this way for 12 to 13 years, it leads to clogged up hate towards life, sadness, feeling of unfair, no one can help you solve your mental problems because you can't say it. Every thing you say have to be politically correct enough. I can write a book, with simple vocabulary, but I don't want to, because it'll have to be politically correct I wrote my journal with love, to motivate myself, pages ripped off, lost, read by love rival or privileged ladies, female dogs I have to close curtains when I wrote journal Always trying to love this boy, one day felt he's taking advantage of me, feel so bad, write I hope I can outgrow him. Next thing happens is he changed side, secretly. When you forgave him the next day, he says hi the same way, but his mind changed because he is taking advantage of you and you complained about it This is how my life is, you love a person for 10 years, feel

 No one in this world treat me right This guy gets distracted Mark Zuckerberg judge me, almost killed me maybe he already did That uncle ran off with Br:++6&'__6 One form, then another, I gotta win this. Never gonna have anything to do with these time wasters, I would have gain more work experience, earn more money, finished my probation period, have something nice on my resume Now I have to think of how to get out of here before my savings can't last me enough I try to look on the positive side, these fucking guys just don't treat me like human One day they will beg and crawl back to me, they don't exist to me, old fuck

 Ok, the thing about Helen: once I was talking about 8 anime/manga/j-drama that inspired me that it made a difference in my life. None of these have much to do with Helen. Let me list them vaguely: Slam Dunk (1994 anime); GTO (first it started early 90s, then made to drama 11 episode); Moeto Attack(70s); hanayoridango (read manga from book 20); proposal daisakusan; life; sailor Moon(manga); life(drama 2007 on anti bully); Dr Slump (manga, 1980 drawn by author who drew dragon ball and dragon Ball z) Not only these don't have anything to do with Helen, she never watch any Chinese drama or listen to any Chinese music. Anything Chinese she knows or like is have something to do with me or I don't know she looks at those. I introduce her to 还珠格格， 家的N次方 K drama too, she does not watch j-drama, I showed her Winter Sonata, she doesn't like it She hate anything romantic and emotional, she likes Yu-Gi-Oh and Full metal alchemist, etc. We know slayers on our own, but she goes extra ste

 Hints everywhere, I feel sleep all day long would get me discharged faster.... I don't want my dad to have anything to do with me! Horrifying. These people either: 1. Wish to kill my whole family, then I'll have no family, kill me would be easy 2. Become family with my family, then squeeze me out of my family, and I'll be so stressed 3. Let me in custody till my savings are all used up, every month, routine money is going out, then when I discharge my dad would have control over my life, which is very bad. He forever wish I quit my job and can never get my own place, wants control, wants to be heavily involved in my life in a bad way for me. Which almost 40s person want to live with parents?! 4. Let me dad be decision maker of interaction with my discharge, my dad would have control over me 5. Directly alienation of body part 6. Hurt others in the same department, and frame it on me, as a reason to hurt me, keep me custody, or discharge me when there's no hope So far t

 Ok, I think I don't know what's happening Don't know why I'm at this custody for ever I constantly feel there's this girl named Helen who used to be my friend 20 years ago is persecuting me. There's a person here, can have many identities, not sure who he is, this morning I feel like he's not him for some reason.... But I think maybe I'm wrong, because there is someone else I also thought might be someone else, but after felt it might still be that person The girl next confinement room..... yesterday someone went to her confinement colum and mentioned plastic surgery, and I heard some sound of a surgery or something, it's horrifying to think This morning I observed her room, she's sleeping normally..... I like that guy earlier, but now I feel like it's a different person. I just want to get out of this custody. I was thinking of going home to get somethings, but feel like I can't after. I worry for my family's safety. This guy now me