Storytime

This is the most courageous thing I've ever done, it's planned too. I tried to be independent over and over again. This time I might really made it. When I graduated from college, I thought of going to Montreal, I thought of going to HK, I never fear, I could go anywhere I'm not afraid. Then I experienced trauma, lasted 10 years, I was so afraid to leave home but at the same time I hate home. I regret not loving my home more. Now I know living alone doesn't mean you hate home, living out side is no longer effortless like it used to, it is scary and a big deal, and I hope I can make it. I can find a job and make it this time. I used to forever be in romance bad mood, since I'm 18, I never stopped being in romance bad mood, from 18 till I'm 34, a long 16 years, especially when I was in college, my parents pamper me, I sometimes go on shopping spree, I go binge eating, I try new things all the time, meeting with strangers, going to modeling class, go on singing com...

I find that when I leave too much personal info on a website I give to my employers will make me stressed writing it, or after I wrote it I feel uncomfortable for some reason, I shouldn't leave the personal site on there, I just thought my career site is so ruined.........I don't even know how to fix it. I think it's due to my facebook, and instagram, and X!!!!! How do I fix them?  I think what I did is the possible best solution I can come up with

Story time ​ Here I begin a random story, I name it "My fiction" or "Internet Soap Opera", Here it goes: ​ Bun lazily sitting in the library, having her head buried in her arms on the desk. It's 10 min after the class start. As she woke up, she sees the bright sun shining through the large library window, it is 2pm. ​ It's so nice today, I might as well skip class, Bun thought. Instead of heading to class, she's heading out towards the park.  "Hey!" someone stopped her when she pass by cafeteria, it is Lala. "Hey.." Bun respond automatically. "Are you having lunch hour?" Lala asked. "No, sign, if I go to class now the teacher will be mad. I might as well skip the class." "Ok, wanna join me eating?" "No, I have to have self control." Bun already ate 3 meals, when got back home there's dinner, she really can't eat anymore, plus Lala's lunch look so yummy. 'I must avoid the yummy sm...

 I'm not looking for people 's opinion now, I'm looking for inspiration 13 years ago people already told me to stop caring, it's so yesterday. I don't give a damn, and fuck if Joe Osteen think he's so generous, I can understand English, he doesn't understand Chinese, I'm sharing some Chinese stuff he doesn't understand it, it's good stuff But I'm not about to recklessly say "oh, I like this guy, I hate that person, I want to be this person's friend, blablabla" just example. See what I mean? I'm not about to be idiot And you guys are forcing me to over share by challenging me saying "don't care so much" " I only rock to what's real" "she ain't half of the women I am" "you make mistakes, it sucks"..etc. to provoke me because you are desperate to want to know what I think So why don't you shut the fuck up and shut your face and inspire, like what I'm doing? I never jud...

 It's very bad for mental health that you can never, NEVER say everything you feel. Lived this way for 12 to 13 years, it leads to clogged up hate towards life, sadness, feeling of unfair, no one can help you solve your mental problems because you can't say it. Every thing you say have to be politically correct enough. I can write a book, with simple vocabulary, but I don't want to, because it'll have to be politically correct I wrote my journal with love, to motivate myself, pages ripped off, lost, read by love rival or privileged ladies, female dogs I have to close curtains when I wrote journal Always trying to love this boy, one day felt he's taking advantage of me, feel so bad, write I hope I can outgrow him. Next thing happens is he changed side, secretly. When you forgave him the next day, he says hi the same way, but his mind changed because he is taking advantage of you and you complained about it This is how my life is, you love a person for 10 years, feel ...

 No one in this world treat me right This guy gets distracted Mark Zuckerberg judge me, almost killed me maybe he already did That uncle ran off with Br:++6&'__6 One form, then another, I gotta win this. Never gonna have anything to do with these time wasters, I would have gain more work experience, earn more money, finished my probation period, have something nice on my resume Now I have to think of how to get out of here before my savings can't last me enough I try to look on the positive side, these fucking guys just don't treat me like human One day they will beg and crawl back to me, they don't exist to me, old fuck

 Ok, the thing about Helen: once I was talking about 8 anime/manga/j-drama that inspired me that it made a difference in my life. None of these have much to do with Helen. Let me list them vaguely: Slam Dunk (1994 anime); GTO (first it started early 90s, then made to drama 11 episode); Moeto Attack(70s); hanayoridango (read manga from book 20); proposal daisakusan; life; sailor Moon(manga); life(drama 2007 on anti bully); Dr Slump (manga, 1980 drawn by author who drew dragon ball and dragon Ball z) Not only these don't have anything to do with Helen, she never watch any Chinese drama or listen to any Chinese music. Anything Chinese she knows or like is have something to do with me or I don't know she looks at those. I introduce her to 还珠格格， 家的N次方 K drama too, she does not watch j-drama, I showed her Winter Sonata, she doesn't like it She hate anything romantic and emotional, she likes Yu-Gi-Oh and Full metal alchemist, etc. We know slayers on our own, but she goes extra ste...