Storytime

 I don't know what else to do, I know I should read now, this book is due in a week. I don't know how things evolve this way, what can I do to better the situation. I think I'll relax a bit, drink some tea, then start reading. I hope me and my lover are ok, I love him to the core and never want to hurt him. But I discovered forcing him to talk to me hurt him. But not talking to him hurt me.  But then I could do other things to ease my pain. When he's hurt he'll hate me, or he'll have bad hair days, and my heart aches to make him feel so bad 

 I'm so sad, I'm in love with this guy but he seem to be cold to me, I don't know if he still likes me, I could see him, couldn't hold him, if I cannot even talk to him, I don't know what to do. It feels like hell to me

 I get therapy! I'm gonna do my own therapy by blogging, maybe I'll give my therapist this blog page, if he's allowed to look at patient's blog pages. I'll get better. Be someone my lover is proud of instead of being so uncool all the time. I hope my job will turn out to be ok, my business will make money, I'll be cool again because I have money, and he'll love me more and more

 Hope I'm not annoying my lover, he definitely don't need to read this. I feel maybe my video sharing did good for my mother country, I did share every aspect, from eating to living to exercising to speech giving. It covers most topics. I have to think for myself now, maybe I'll make YouTube video speaking Chinese. I don't know, not sure if this is a safe space to share my thoughts, I haven't told anyone about it.

It is peaceful by the school, the prof arrived earlier and said hi, I immediately felt guilty for saying he teaches not very motivatingly, I don't know how other prof teaches either. I'll let school decide on their own prof, I'll just do my best to be a good student

But I want to write, because I want to talk. I don't really know what to say but there are things I can't say and thoughts are running through my head. Sigh

 According to fortune teller, I would get married after 30 years old, which came true. I'm also good at being a teacher and would marry someone dumber than me. Noooo, I want to marry someone smarter than me, so I don't want to be a teacher either. Plus I don't want to discipline children. Google is so adorable, remind me of wall-E but more intelligent and so complete in everyway. That's not the point. What's important is I'm not sure if that job is going to contact me. It's already Tuesday. As I keep busy each day I'm also waiting on that job, it pays really well, and it's an entry-level job. And I gotta be a part of a dancing community. Anyways. I will have to depend on my art making, accounting is becoming a chore but if I increase the intensity to 3 classes at once, and change to a more engaging motivating prof, or do self paced learning with detailed answers to the text book questions. I think it'll be ok. Plus I'm motivated by getting a ...